The Internal and the External Search

2009-10-22T21:15:00.000-07:00

This is based on a proposal I wrote about the

Single and Searching group:

For those who are single and would prefer to be partnered, the journey towards finding a partner is an opportunity for immense personal growth and transformation, but it can also be a lonely and challenging time. The purpose of Single and Searching is to provide support for women in both the external and internal aspects of the search for partnership. The Drama Therapy group will provide support in the 'external' aspects of the search through rehearsals of assertive communication, dating role-plays (rehearsals and de-briefs), visualizations of your ideal partner, etc. The group will also use the Integrative Five Phase Model to provide support around the 'internal search', the areas of self-examination and growth that being single affords.

"For singles today, the spectrum of experience is broad, but confusion and despair about finding lasting love run deep." (Harville Hendrix, 1992, p.xv, Keeping The Love You Find). For women, they also face the stigma of society that shames women who are not partnered. Many single women internalize these messages and feel lowered self-esteem and shame for not living up to the norm of 'womanhood'. For those who are lesbian, bisexual or transgendered and single, there is another layer of homophobia and internalized homophobia to deal with. Women of color, immigrants, and women from oppressed religious and ethnic groups have the double-layer of racism and sexism to contend with, as well as possible cultural expectations for marriage and motherhood from their families and communities.

Those who have suffered childhood trauma may have ambivalent or anxious attachment styles that may get in the way of establishing and maintaining safe romantic and sexual relationships. For many people, emotional wounds remaining from past 'failed' relationships can hinder the process of creating healthy, new relationships. Concerns about dating in mid-life, dating as a parent, or dating without much past romantic experience may also come into play.

For all women, support from peers who are also in the process of searching for partnership can provide an experience of feeling less alone with their struggles. Guidance in a therapeutic setting can help people normalize their feelings and experiences, increase self-esteem and hope, and provide concrete skill-building in communication and dating skills. Drama Therapy can bring play and fun into an area often riddled with feelings of rejection, ambivalence, hopelessness and shame.

SINGLE AND SEARCHING

The Internal and the External Search